PFW – Leighton’s Impact

I got passes to the PFW Penshoppe show called Impact. Why I went there? To see Leighton Meester.

What I wore to the show:Shoes from Call it Spring. Mullet skirt from The Ramp. And my forever favorite Gucci Top.

Thanks to my sister Luisa’s BF Mujeeb for lending me your 600D. I don’t think I like my 1000D anymore. Haha!

Five Score And Seven Years Ago

Today, when I was trying to sober up I picked up my phone and found myself listening to Relient K’s “Five Score and Seven Years Ago (2007)”. I felt so overwhelmed that I couldn’t find the words to say or thoughts to think and just cried my heart out. I made a mistake. I’ve been crying for the wrong reasons and been dedicating these songs to the wrong person. Now He spoke to me through these songs and made me feel the need to right my wrongs.

To Meki, Kebs, Cilla, Moochie, KC and everyone in the group. Thank you. And of course to my Asia peeps Marlon, Manu and Chummy and Kian. Thank you! Meki, Kebs, Cilla and Kian I look forward to the day that I will be as proud as you guys are for His love. 🙂

DEATHBED

So right there you have it
That one filthy habit
Is what got me where I am today
I can hear the sad memories
Still haunting me
So many things I’d do again
From there it’s your typical spiel
Yeah, if life was a highway, I was drunk at the wheel
I was helpin’ the loose ends all fall apart
Yeah, I swear I was destined to fail, and fail from the start

I was so scared of Jesus but He sought me out
Like the cancer in my lungs it’s killing me now
And I’ve given up hope on the days I have left
But I cling to the hope of my life in the next

Then Jesus showed up, said, “Before we go up
I thought that we might reminisce
See, one night in your life, when you turned out the lights
You asked for and prayed for my forgiveness

You cried wolf; the tears they soaked your fur
The blood dripped from your fangs
You said, ‘What have I done?’
You loved that lamb with every sinful bone
And there you wept alone
Your heart was so contrite

You said, ‘Jesus, please forgive me of my crimes
Sanctify this withered heart of mine
Stay with me until my life is through
And on that day, please take me home with you’

I can hear you whisper to me
“It’s time to leave
You’ll never be lonely again”

But this was my deathbed
I died there alone
When I closed my eyes tonight
You carried me home

I am the way
Follow me and take my hand
And I am the truth
Embrace me and you’ll understand
And I am the life
And for me you’ll live again

For I am love
I am love

FAKING MY OWN SUICIDE

So I’ve made up my mind. I will pretend to leave this world behind
And in the end, you’ll know I’ve lied To get your attention
I’m faking my own suicide

I wish you thought that I was dead
So rather than me you’d be depressed instead
And before arriving at my grave
You’d come to the conclusion
You’d loved me all your days
But it’s too late
Too late for you to say

I’ll write you a letter that you’ll keep
Reminding you your love for me is more than six feet deep
You say aloud that you would have been my wife
Right about that time is when I come back to life
And let you know
I’d let you know that
All along I was faking my own suicide
Because I know you love me
You just never realized

I was faking my own suicide
I’ll walk in that room and see your eyes opened so wide
Opened so wide because you know
Because you know you will never leave my sight
Until the day that I die for the first time
And we’ll laugh, yeah we’ll laugh
And we will cry
So overjoyed with our love that is so alive
Our love is so alive

BITE MY TONGUE

I was going to spell it out in full detail
But I dropped the call before I spilled my guts
But your floor stayed clean, like my conscience will be
Cause if you heard anything, you didn’t hear it from me

And I’m sweeping up the seconds that tick off the clock
And saving them for later when I’m too ticked to talk
And I need some time to search my mind
To locate the words that seem so hard to find

Sometimes I say things that
I wish that I could take back
The most crucial thing I lack
Is a thing called tact
And if you’re always so intently listening
Then the smartest thing to say is to tell myself not to say a thing

It seems I’m always close minded with an open mouth
And the worst of me seems to come right out
But I’ve never broken bones with a stone or a stick
But I’ll conjure up a phrase that can cut to the quick

Sometimes I say things that
I wish that I could take back
Then the smartest thing to say is to tell myself

To keep quiet, quiet
Don’t let it all come undone
Cause if I dare open my mouth
It’ll just be to bite my tongue
Yeah, I gotta keep quiet, quiet
And listen to your voice
Because the power of  Your words
Can repair all that I’ve destroyed

And when I finally do Let it come from you
The peace of understanding grips my soul
You’re the reason I’ve
Found meaning in this life
So I’ll swallow up my pride and give you control
Give it to you

DEVASTATION AND REFORM

Fear can drive stick and it’s taking me down this road
A road down which I swore I’d never go
And here I sit, thinking of God knows what
Afraid to admit I might self-destruct

An injury I’ll cause with my own fist, it
It seems to me to be slightly masochistic
But there’d be no story without all this dissension
So I inflict the conflict with the utmost of intention

So lock the windows and bolt the door
Cause I’ve got enough problems without creating more

I feel like I was born
For devastation and reform
I’ll destroy everything I love and the worst part is
I’ll pull my heart out, reconstruct
But in the end its nothing but
A shell of what I had when I first started

Thank you God for giving me the insight
So I might make these wrongs right 
If and when there ever is a next time 
Cause failure is a blessing in disguise
I’ll pull my heart out, reconstruct

COME RIGHT OUT AND SAY IT

I better rest my eyes because I am growing weary of this point you’ve been trying to make
so rather than imply why don’t you just verbalize all the things your trying to say

I guess we’ll turn out so well but I’m beginning to see that instead it’s trouble
into a pattern we fell of prolonging the invevitable

I better check my pride because I was starting to think that I was onto something good
but things started to slide and I’m thinking in retrospect understanding that I misunderstood

Thought I could make up your mind you had a decision locked up so tight it couldn’t be touched
thought you were being so kind by keeping your mouth sealed shut rather than just open it up

Why don’t you come right out and say it even if the words are probably gonna hurt
I’d rather have the truth than something insincere
why don’t you come right out and say
what it is your thinking though I’m thinking it’s not what I wanna hear

And now try to guess what goes on in your head
cause in your mind i just might find
all those things you left unsaid

And now try to make you not regret anything
and later on when after I’m gone you’ll wish that you had listened to me

I NEED YOU

I’ve dug up miles and miles of sand
Searching for something I can’t see
And I’ve just got bruised and battered hands
And a brand new void inside of me
Complete with walls I did create
From all the earth that I’ve displaced
A mess that I have made from what
I’ve just let pile and pile up

Explore the cave that is my chest
A torch reveals there’s nothing left
Your whispers echo off the walls
And you can hear my distant calls
The voice of who I used to be
Screaming out “someone, someone please
Please shine a light into the black
Wade through the depths and bring me back

I have not been abandoned, no I have not been
Deserted and I have not been forgotten

I need you
I need you here
I need you now
I need security somehow
I need you
Like you would not believe
You’re the only thing I want
Cause you’re everything I need

When my hopes seem to dangle
Somewhere just beyond my reach
You say you’ve heard my prayers
And read my words there on the beach

FORGIVEN

Oh yes, I know this tension that you speak of
We’re in the palm of a hand making a fist
It’d be best for one of us to speak up
But we prefer to pretend it does not exist

And you can’t see past the blood on my hands
To see that you’ve been aptly damned
To fail and fail again

Cause we’re all guilty of the same things
We think the thoughts whether or not we see them through
And I know that I have been forgiven
And I just hope you can forgive me too

So don’t you dare blame me for
Prying open the door
That’s unleashed the bitterness
That’s here in the midst of this
Sometimes we live for no one but ourselves

And what we’ve been striving for
Has turned into nothing more
Than bodies limp on the floor
Victims of falling short
We kiss goodbye the cheek of our true love

UP AND UP

Yesterday was not quite what it could’ve been
As were most of all the days before
But I swear today with every breath I’m breathing in
I’ll be trying to make it so much more

Cause it seems I get so hung up on
The history of what’s gone wrong
That the hope of a new day is sometimes hard to see
But I’m finally catching on to it
Yeah the past is just a conduit
And the light there at the end is where I’ll be

To be prosperous would not require much of me
You see, contentment is the one thing it entails
To be content with where I am, and getting where I need to be
And moving past the past where I have failed
But I’m finally catching on to it
Yeah the past is just a conduit
And the light there at the end is where I’ll be, oh

Cause I’m on the up and up
I’m on the up and up
And I haven’t given up
Given up on what
I know I’m capable of
Yeah, I’m on the up and up
Yeah there’s nothing left to prove
Cause I’m just trying to be
A better version of me for You

For you never cease to supply
Me with what I need for a good life
So when I’m down I’ll hold my head up high
Cause you’re the reason why, yeah you’re why

MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING RIGHT

We should get jerseys
Cause we make a good team
But yours would look better than mine
Cause you’re out of my league

And I know that it’s so clichĂ©
To tell you that everyday
I spend with you is the new best day of my life
And everyone watching us
Just turns away with disgust
This jealously
They can see that we’ve got it going on

And I’m racking my brain for a new improved way
To let you know you’re more to me than what I know how to say
You’re ok with the way this is going to be
Cause this is going to be the best thing we’ve ever seen

If anyone could make me a better person, You could
All I gotta say is I must have done something good
You came along one day and you rearranged my life
All I gotta say is I must have done something right
I must have done something right

THE BEST THING

It’s been a year filled with problems
But now you’re here almost as if to solve them
And I can’t live In a world with out You now

All my life I’ve been searching for you
How did I survive In this world before you
Cause I don’t want to live another day without you now

All I want to have
Is all that you can give me
And I’ll give right back
Everything I have in me
Cause nothing ever felt as right
As this does right now

I’ll go back
To before we met
Try and erase the past
Try harder to forget
Cause nothing will ever be as good
As here and now

Cause when I looked into your eyes
And you dared to stare right back
You should’ve said nice to meet you, I’m your other half

I always knew I’d find someone
I never dreamt it’d be like this
Cause you’ve surpassed
All that I’d hoped and ever wished
And I’m trying so hard
With all my heart and mind
To make your life as good as you’ve made mine

I’M TAKING YOU WITH ME

I made a habit
Of never making promises
That aren’t easy to keep
And there you have it
But now I’m making one that is
To keep You here with me

Cause every second that goes by
I feel is just a waste of time If I’m not with you

If home is where the heart is then my home is where you are
But it’s getting oh so hard to spend these days without my heart

So I’m taking you with me
Anywhere that I
Could ever want to be
For the rest of my life
I want you there with me
And if there ever comes a time
When I should have to leave
I hope you know that I
I’m taking you with me

And so I’m trying
To hold it all together and
And make it through the day
When I’m just dying
To drop it all and take your hand
So we can run away

From all the miles and the hours
That seem to endlessly devour
The time that I could be with you

Every second that goes by
Is one more second off my life
And it couldn’t be more clear
I’m literally dying without You here

GIVE UNTIL THERE’S NOTHING LEFT

No one told me the right way to go about this
So I’ll figure it out for myself
Cause how much is too much to give you
Well, I may never know so I’ll just give until there’s nothing else

No one told me how bad I need You
But I somehow arrived at that conclusion all by myself 
And I want all you have to offer 
So I’ll offer myself and I’ll just give until there’s nothing else

Give give give until there’s nothing else
Give my all until it all runs out
Give give and I’ll have no regrets
I’ll give until there’s nothing left
I’ll give give give until there’s nothing else
Give my all until it all runs out
Give give and I’ll have no regrets
I’ll give until there’s nothing left

Sometimes it seems like all I ever do
Is ask for things until I ask too much of you
But that’s not the way I want to live
I need to change, yeah something’s got to give 

Music & Lyrics

Yes, beautiful family and friends can make you feel so much better after a heartbreak. But you will need sometime to wallow in loneliness and select that playlist of sad sad songs.

Let me share with you my playlist called “A TEAM”.  The boy’s name starts with the letter A and my name too.. and I used to think we were gonna be this team. LET THE BITTERSWEET MUMBO JUMBO BEGIN!

My recent find.. Norah Jones‘ new album called “Little Broken Hearts (2012)“. It is so meant to be and it’s been a while since I listened to her. Even though her sound now is so different from her past albums, it is still growing on me!

4 BROKEN HEARTS

People can’t be hand-made 
But he keeps slaving away at a stone that’s too hard to break
A girl who’s too lost to save
So you tried to replace me. But you didn’t get far
And I tried to repay you, But I only got scarred
She’ll be breaking your fall,And I’ll be building new walls
But this time I’ll have to make sure
To add a window for you to come back
And we tried to be faithful,But didn’t get far
Now all we’ll be left with is 4 broken hearts
I tried to erase you
But didn’t get get far… enough away from you
Because you still can break my heart

Another fave artist of mine is Sara Bareilles. Her album “Kaleidoscope Heart (2010)”  also hits the spot here. Haha!

GONNA GET OVER YOU

Goodbye. Should be saying that to you by now, shouldn’t I?
Laying down a law that I live by.Well, maybe next time.
I’ve got a thick tongue.
Brimming with the words that go unsung
I simmer then I burn for a someone.. The wrong one
And I tell myself to let the story end
That my heart will rest in someone else’s hand
But my ‘Why not me?’ philosophy began
And I said

Ooh, how am I gonna get over you?
I’ll be alright. Just not tonight
But someday Oh, I wish you’d want me to stay

Maybe. It’s a vicious little word that can slay me
Keep me where I’m hurting, you make me
Hang from your hands but no more
I won’t beg to buy a shot at your back door
If I’m aching at the thought of you, what for? 

That’s not me anymore

And I’m not the girl that I intend to be
But I dare you, darlin’, just you wait and see
But this time not for you, but just for me.. I said
Say it’s coming soon.Someday without you
All I can do Is get me past the ghost of you..Wave goodbye to me
I won’t say I’m sorry. I’ll be alright
Once I find the other side of someday

KING OF ANYTHING

Keep drinking coffee, stare me down across the table
While I look outside
So many things I’d say if only I were able
But I just keep quiet and count the cars that pass by
You’ve got opinions, man. We’re all entitled to ’em
But I never asked
So let me thank you for your time
And try not to waste any more of mine
Get out of here fast
I hate to break it to you babe
But I’m not drowning
There’s no one here to save

Who cares if you disagree? You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So, you dare tell me who to be
Who died and made you king of anything?

You sound so innocent. All full of good intent
Swear you know best
But you expect me to, Jump up onboard with you
Ride off into your delusional sunset
I’m not the one who’s lost with no direction, oh
But you’ll never see
You’re so busy making masks
With my name on it in all caps
You’ve got the talking down
Just not the listening

All my life I’ve tried to make everybody happy while I just hurt and hide
Waiting for someone to tell me it’s my turn to decide
Let me hold your crown, babe

MARVIN’S ROOM – JOJO

I’ve Been Up Three Days . . . had a lot of Redbull
This Call Is A Mistake. There’s Somethin Strong in This Water Bottle
I Hear You Gotta New Chick. . .but that’s a little Barbie Doll
I Feel So Pathetic. but You Still Haven’t Heard It All

Fuck That New Girl That You Like So Bad
She’s Not Crazy Like Me I Bet You Like That

I’m Just Sayin You Could Do Better
Always Turned You Out Every Time We Were Together
Once you had the best boy you can’t do better
Baby I’m The Best So You Cant Do Better

GIVE YOUR HEART A BREAK – DEMI

The day I first met you
You told me you’d never fall in love
But now that I get you. I know fear is what it really was
Now here we are, so close
Yet so far, haven’t I passed the test?
When will you realize
Baby, I’m not like the rest

On Sunday, you went home alone
There were tears in your eyes
I called your cell phone, my love but you did not reply
The world is ours, if you want it
We can take it, if you just take my hand
There’s no turning back now. Baby, try to understand

When your lips are on my lips and our hearts beat as one
But you slip right out of my fingertips every time you run

Don’t wanna break your heart
Wanna give your heart a break
I know you’re scared it’s wrong
Like you might make a mistake
There’s just one life to live
And there’s no time to waste, to waste
So let me give your heart a break
Cuz you’ve been hurt before I can see it in your eyes
You try to smile it away
Some things, you can’t disguise
Don’t wanna break your heart
Baby, I can ease the ache, the ache

Maroon 5. Need I say more?

STORY

Do you mean all the things you are?
Are you pleased with the way things are?
Wear that dress to protect this scar,That only I have seen.
Do you give just to please yourelf?
Do you wish you were somewhere else?
Justified all the things you tried,said that it was all for me.

Did you know that everything she ever does is for you?
So it goes, the story of a broken heart comes true, comes true.

I am so confused by this.
I know that life is hit or miss.
Days are stung by too much sun,I think that you may be the one.
Cover yourself up in me,Shrouded in what could have been.
I will listen to your pain,if you listen to me.

THE WAY I WAS

I’ve tried and tried and tried and tried. But I’ve no concept of consequence and I’m a master of self defense.
Days get longer, life gets shorter
She rips me like no other. So oh, dripping from head to toe.
Where are you hiding?
She’s on the outside.I’m on the inside crying

Hot love, wrap yourself around me like a warm glove
The emptiness leaves me
And I feel the never need to go back
To the way I was, the way I was

And I can’t make the same mistake
If you lose my love, it was yours to take
Break down your door, take a little more
When I need you around
And I’m so terrified of leaving, it’s a new low
Try and pick me up again but let go
See how far I get without you
Desperately need more of your..

HOT CHELLE RAE

HONESTLY

Honestly everybodys stoked I’m finally free
And honestly my phones blowing up tonight
So I’ll go out get drunk again
Make out with all your dumb friends
tag your face just to rub it in

I’ma go cause I got no
problem with saying goodbye
Is it wrong that I’m gonna be
having the time of my life
Cause deep down I know
I should cry I should scream
and get down on my knees
I should say that I need you here
But I’m gonna party tonight
Cause honestly I just don’t care
So don’t roll up when they’re playing my song
Don’t act right when you know you’re dead wrong
You’re out of line, out of line goodnight

I’m undercover, you can drop that bomb
It’s a little too late cause I’m already gone
I’m already gone

Honestly you did it to yourself
So don’t blame me

COLDPLAY’S DON’T LET IT BREAK YOUR HEART

Autumn leaves falling like memories stalling in your head
this pain you’re feeling, your way of dealing with the past
it’s complicated, he lead you on and then he let you down

Don’t let it break your heart. Don’t let it break your heart
Don’t let it tear you apart, just bruises and scars they heal

some of these guys they wanna paint a target on your head
Love you all up and leave you dying left for dead
But then somebody will play the right song and you’ll dance again

And the computer adds up the numbers and it says
if you’re so lonely why don’t you find somebody else
not complicated, it’s kind of simple it’s just one on one

We both liked the same genre of music. And cheers to his fave band “WE THE KINGS”. They have a new album called “Sunshine State of Mind” oh and they’re coming to the Philippines again on May 28, 2012. I guess I’ll see you guys there!

AUGUST IS OVER (We the Kings album)

Say a prayer
The summer nights are dead the fall is coming
We were careless hearts who got caught up in this
You were shy to the night you drove me wild
And you crashed into me
And I won’t lie I wish it lasted a lifetime

Now we wait cause August had to end
All our bags are packed
Just two broken hearts that got caught up in this
I deny that tomorrow you’ll be gone and so far from me
It’s something strange never love the same way

Please stay-ay-ay
Won’t you stay-ay-ay
Tonight

Breathe in deep and say goodbye
The saddest song I’ll ever write
For anyone, anytime
Breathe in deep
Before I say
I can feel us slip away
You’re almost gone. You’re good as gone

We can try to drown it out but it never stops breathing
We can take it all in but it never slows down
We’ve come down from that cloud

DONT’ SPEAK LIAR

Sit back And tell me why I’m so prone to this
Do you think I’m fond of getting you and letting you down
And I’ll get mine soon

So when I come back I won’t say a word
I know You’ve heard this before
Don’t speak, liar

And if the story ends here
I can’t be surprised to find
Your eyes are open wide
And that I have inspired you

OVER YOU

There’s so much I wanna say. Something you won’t understand
I’m already gone today. Off to be a better man
But it’s true. That I’m over you
I know it took a little while
I know I cried a couple tears
Every step was like a mile
Every day a million years
But it’s true. I’m finally over you

Here’s to the nights I cared, To the night you left
I’ll pour you a drink and toast to the end
Here’s the scene of the crime left me here to die
I’m finally over you; I’m alive

When it rains it really pours. Now the sun is kicking in
You used to say I made you sick. Now go and take your medicine
Cause it’s true. That I’m over you

Cause these bitter days are only a memory
Better days are just days away
Cuts both ways cause you’re covered in Band-Aids, now

But life goes on tho! And soon I will be able to listen to love songs again! I look forward to that day of course.. When I can listen to songs like these and enjoy them.

 

But til then. This will always be my life song. 🙂