Five Score And Seven Years Ago

Today, when I was trying to sober up I picked up my phone and found myself listening to Relient K’s “Five Score and Seven Years Ago (2007)”. I felt so overwhelmed that I couldn’t find the words to say or thoughts to think and just cried my heart out. I made a mistake. I’ve been crying for the wrong reasons and been dedicating these songs to the wrong person. Now He spoke to me through these songs and made me feel the need to right my wrongs.

To Meki, Kebs, Cilla, Moochie, KC and everyone in the group. Thank you. And of course to my Asia peeps Marlon, Manu and Chummy and Kian. Thank you! Meki, Kebs, Cilla and Kian I look forward to the day that I will be as proud as you guys are for His love. 🙂

DEATHBED

So right there you have it
That one filthy habit
Is what got me where I am today
I can hear the sad memories
Still haunting me
So many things I’d do again
From there it’s your typical spiel
Yeah, if life was a highway, I was drunk at the wheel
I was helpin’ the loose ends all fall apart
Yeah, I swear I was destined to fail, and fail from the start

I was so scared of Jesus but He sought me out
Like the cancer in my lungs it’s killing me now
And I’ve given up hope on the days I have left
But I cling to the hope of my life in the next

Then Jesus showed up, said, “Before we go up
I thought that we might reminisce
See, one night in your life, when you turned out the lights
You asked for and prayed for my forgiveness

You cried wolf; the tears they soaked your fur
The blood dripped from your fangs
You said, ‘What have I done?’
You loved that lamb with every sinful bone
And there you wept alone
Your heart was so contrite

You said, ‘Jesus, please forgive me of my crimes
Sanctify this withered heart of mine
Stay with me until my life is through
And on that day, please take me home with you’

I can hear you whisper to me
“It’s time to leave
You’ll never be lonely again”

But this was my deathbed
I died there alone
When I closed my eyes tonight
You carried me home

I am the way
Follow me and take my hand
And I am the truth
Embrace me and you’ll understand
And I am the life
And for me you’ll live again

For I am love
I am love

FAKING MY OWN SUICIDE

So I’ve made up my mind. I will pretend to leave this world behind
And in the end, you’ll know I’ve lied To get your attention
I’m faking my own suicide

I wish you thought that I was dead
So rather than me you’d be depressed instead
And before arriving at my grave
You’d come to the conclusion
You’d loved me all your days
But it’s too late
Too late for you to say

I’ll write you a letter that you’ll keep
Reminding you your love for me is more than six feet deep
You say aloud that you would have been my wife
Right about that time is when I come back to life
And let you know
I’d let you know that
All along I was faking my own suicide
Because I know you love me
You just never realized

I was faking my own suicide
I’ll walk in that room and see your eyes opened so wide
Opened so wide because you know
Because you know you will never leave my sight
Until the day that I die for the first time
And we’ll laugh, yeah we’ll laugh
And we will cry
So overjoyed with our love that is so alive
Our love is so alive

BITE MY TONGUE

I was going to spell it out in full detail
But I dropped the call before I spilled my guts
But your floor stayed clean, like my conscience will be
Cause if you heard anything, you didn’t hear it from me

And I’m sweeping up the seconds that tick off the clock
And saving them for later when I’m too ticked to talk
And I need some time to search my mind
To locate the words that seem so hard to find

Sometimes I say things that
I wish that I could take back
The most crucial thing I lack
Is a thing called tact
And if you’re always so intently listening
Then the smartest thing to say is to tell myself not to say a thing

It seems I’m always close minded with an open mouth
And the worst of me seems to come right out
But I’ve never broken bones with a stone or a stick
But I’ll conjure up a phrase that can cut to the quick

Sometimes I say things that
I wish that I could take back
Then the smartest thing to say is to tell myself

To keep quiet, quiet
Don’t let it all come undone
Cause if I dare open my mouth
It’ll just be to bite my tongue
Yeah, I gotta keep quiet, quiet
And listen to your voice
Because the power of  Your words
Can repair all that I’ve destroyed

And when I finally do Let it come from you
The peace of understanding grips my soul
You’re the reason I’ve
Found meaning in this life
So I’ll swallow up my pride and give you control
Give it to you

DEVASTATION AND REFORM

Fear can drive stick and it’s taking me down this road
A road down which I swore I’d never go
And here I sit, thinking of God knows what
Afraid to admit I might self-destruct

An injury I’ll cause with my own fist, it
It seems to me to be slightly masochistic
But there’d be no story without all this dissension
So I inflict the conflict with the utmost of intention

So lock the windows and bolt the door
Cause I’ve got enough problems without creating more

I feel like I was born
For devastation and reform
I’ll destroy everything I love and the worst part is
I’ll pull my heart out, reconstruct
But in the end its nothing but
A shell of what I had when I first started

Thank you God for giving me the insight
So I might make these wrongs right 
If and when there ever is a next time 
Cause failure is a blessing in disguise
I’ll pull my heart out, reconstruct

COME RIGHT OUT AND SAY IT

I better rest my eyes because I am growing weary of this point you’ve been trying to make
so rather than imply why don’t you just verbalize all the things your trying to say

I guess we’ll turn out so well but I’m beginning to see that instead it’s trouble
into a pattern we fell of prolonging the invevitable

I better check my pride because I was starting to think that I was onto something good
but things started to slide and I’m thinking in retrospect understanding that I misunderstood

Thought I could make up your mind you had a decision locked up so tight it couldn’t be touched
thought you were being so kind by keeping your mouth sealed shut rather than just open it up

Why don’t you come right out and say it even if the words are probably gonna hurt
I’d rather have the truth than something insincere
why don’t you come right out and say
what it is your thinking though I’m thinking it’s not what I wanna hear

And now try to guess what goes on in your head
cause in your mind i just might find
all those things you left unsaid

And now try to make you not regret anything
and later on when after I’m gone you’ll wish that you had listened to me

I NEED YOU

I’ve dug up miles and miles of sand
Searching for something I can’t see
And I’ve just got bruised and battered hands
And a brand new void inside of me
Complete with walls I did create
From all the earth that I’ve displaced
A mess that I have made from what
I’ve just let pile and pile up

Explore the cave that is my chest
A torch reveals there’s nothing left
Your whispers echo off the walls
And you can hear my distant calls
The voice of who I used to be
Screaming out “someone, someone please
Please shine a light into the black
Wade through the depths and bring me back

I have not been abandoned, no I have not been
Deserted and I have not been forgotten

I need you
I need you here
I need you now
I need security somehow
I need you
Like you would not believe
You’re the only thing I want
Cause you’re everything I need

When my hopes seem to dangle
Somewhere just beyond my reach
You say you’ve heard my prayers
And read my words there on the beach

FORGIVEN

Oh yes, I know this tension that you speak of
We’re in the palm of a hand making a fist
It’d be best for one of us to speak up
But we prefer to pretend it does not exist

And you can’t see past the blood on my hands
To see that you’ve been aptly damned
To fail and fail again

Cause we’re all guilty of the same things
We think the thoughts whether or not we see them through
And I know that I have been forgiven
And I just hope you can forgive me too

So don’t you dare blame me for
Prying open the door
That’s unleashed the bitterness
That’s here in the midst of this
Sometimes we live for no one but ourselves

And what we’ve been striving for
Has turned into nothing more
Than bodies limp on the floor
Victims of falling short
We kiss goodbye the cheek of our true love

UP AND UP

Yesterday was not quite what it could’ve been
As were most of all the days before
But I swear today with every breath I’m breathing in
I’ll be trying to make it so much more

Cause it seems I get so hung up on
The history of what’s gone wrong
That the hope of a new day is sometimes hard to see
But I’m finally catching on to it
Yeah the past is just a conduit
And the light there at the end is where I’ll be

To be prosperous would not require much of me
You see, contentment is the one thing it entails
To be content with where I am, and getting where I need to be
And moving past the past where I have failed
But I’m finally catching on to it
Yeah the past is just a conduit
And the light there at the end is where I’ll be, oh

Cause I’m on the up and up
I’m on the up and up
And I haven’t given up
Given up on what
I know I’m capable of
Yeah, I’m on the up and up
Yeah there’s nothing left to prove
Cause I’m just trying to be
A better version of me for You

For you never cease to supply
Me with what I need for a good life
So when I’m down I’ll hold my head up high
Cause you’re the reason why, yeah you’re why

MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING RIGHT

We should get jerseys
Cause we make a good team
But yours would look better than mine
Cause you’re out of my league

And I know that it’s so clichĂ©
To tell you that everyday
I spend with you is the new best day of my life
And everyone watching us
Just turns away with disgust
This jealously
They can see that we’ve got it going on

And I’m racking my brain for a new improved way
To let you know you’re more to me than what I know how to say
You’re ok with the way this is going to be
Cause this is going to be the best thing we’ve ever seen

If anyone could make me a better person, You could
All I gotta say is I must have done something good
You came along one day and you rearranged my life
All I gotta say is I must have done something right
I must have done something right

THE BEST THING

It’s been a year filled with problems
But now you’re here almost as if to solve them
And I can’t live In a world with out You now

All my life I’ve been searching for you
How did I survive In this world before you
Cause I don’t want to live another day without you now

All I want to have
Is all that you can give me
And I’ll give right back
Everything I have in me
Cause nothing ever felt as right
As this does right now

I’ll go back
To before we met
Try and erase the past
Try harder to forget
Cause nothing will ever be as good
As here and now

Cause when I looked into your eyes
And you dared to stare right back
You should’ve said nice to meet you, I’m your other half

I always knew I’d find someone
I never dreamt it’d be like this
Cause you’ve surpassed
All that I’d hoped and ever wished
And I’m trying so hard
With all my heart and mind
To make your life as good as you’ve made mine

I’M TAKING YOU WITH ME

I made a habit
Of never making promises
That aren’t easy to keep
And there you have it
But now I’m making one that is
To keep You here with me

Cause every second that goes by
I feel is just a waste of time If I’m not with you

If home is where the heart is then my home is where you are
But it’s getting oh so hard to spend these days without my heart

So I’m taking you with me
Anywhere that I
Could ever want to be
For the rest of my life
I want you there with me
And if there ever comes a time
When I should have to leave
I hope you know that I
I’m taking you with me

And so I’m trying
To hold it all together and
And make it through the day
When I’m just dying
To drop it all and take your hand
So we can run away

From all the miles and the hours
That seem to endlessly devour
The time that I could be with you

Every second that goes by
Is one more second off my life
And it couldn’t be more clear
I’m literally dying without You here

GIVE UNTIL THERE’S NOTHING LEFT

No one told me the right way to go about this
So I’ll figure it out for myself
Cause how much is too much to give you
Well, I may never know so I’ll just give until there’s nothing else

No one told me how bad I need You
But I somehow arrived at that conclusion all by myself 
And I want all you have to offer 
So I’ll offer myself and I’ll just give until there’s nothing else

Give give give until there’s nothing else
Give my all until it all runs out
Give give and I’ll have no regrets
I’ll give until there’s nothing left
I’ll give give give until there’s nothing else
Give my all until it all runs out
Give give and I’ll have no regrets
I’ll give until there’s nothing left

Sometimes it seems like all I ever do
Is ask for things until I ask too much of you
But that’s not the way I want to live
I need to change, yeah something’s got to give 

One thought on “Five Score And Seven Years Ago”

  1. Aww dear!! 🙂 First of all, thanks for rekindling my liking for Relient K 😉 And, it really does help to look UP instead of looking “inside” and “around you”, especially when we’re hurting 🙂 I know God has even more in store for you! Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Tuloy-tuloy lang sa pag-seek kay Lord and sabi nga sa Jeremiah 29:13, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

    Am just here always! 🙂 Will just continue praying for you! God bless you, dear! He has great things for you—claim them! 🙂

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