Tag Archives: personal

Consistently inconsistent

2011 for me was probably the worst year ever. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining cause I know why it’s the worst and it’s cause of the bad decisions and wrong choices that I made. And now that I get another chance. 2012, bring it on!But before the year ends, I’d like to do this to make sure I’m prepared to face whatever is coming my way.

Last year, I was faced with the cruel reality that I got only 3 months left as a teenager. Time ran out and I turned 20. The need to be prepared for the future became the focal point of my life from then on. Though everything was still very promising, I already knew some things were about to go wrong. I was losing every positive energy I got left and was always trying to prevent the bad things I didn’t know that was gonna happen.

I started work without preparing myself emotionally and physically. I was in a relationship with a guy who kept telling me that this would be the last year that he stays in this country. I was still relying too much on the support of my dad, financial support that is. I was very much stuck between different worlds and I was trying to grow up too fast. I fell into a rut and I was in it alone. I kept distant from my HS best friends, my college friends, my sisters and my dad. I tried to convince myself that I should make it on my own, even though I know deep down that I’m not a loner at heart.

I went thru several phases. Shopaholic phase – every single cent i earned I spent on things. Go back to school phase. Gamer phase. Take on several projects phase – 365 project and a bunch I can’t remember anymore. Sickly phase.Love sick phase. And so many phases I can’t even list anymore. A bunch of those I grazed through like a page in a book, and if you knew me well, you’d know I can read fast, really fast.

My multiple personalities kept multiplying and it was getting harder for me to achieve something and get work done. Maybe that’s why I missed school so much, everything has a deadline, and I was always forced to deliver because there will always be immediate results. I missed the feeling that I knew I can do anything and that there was no room for failures. I missed being in control. Yes I know, enough with the vague emotional recaps. 😉

Now onto the things that got me through this shit hole of a year.

Music: Relient K, Cold Play, Maroon 5, J Cole, Kid Cudi and DFD – these guys spoke to me in ways you couldn’t imagine. Answers that I couldn’t find on my own, they provided.

Good books. Atlas Shrugged was the best. Period. I read The Hunger Games Trilogy too, with too much excitement I must say. That feeling I felt when reading thru the books made me remember what I felt when I read Harry Potter. I made it a point to read every weekend when I can. I re read a few classics like The Catcher in the Rye, which was divine.

Movies and TV Shows – they tend to take so much of your time. So it helped a lot that I was following like 15 TV shows that were airing every week. 🙂

Social Networking sites – cause it’s amusing sometimes to see what people are up to. Since I got my Iphone too, I was Instagraming like every thing. Haha. And yeah, twitter.

Working out and trying to fit into my old clothes took away most of the worries. :))

I won’t say work cause work was sometimes the main reason I’m so stressed. But to the people I met in HP this year, You are all awesome. A bunch much more awesome than the others. 😉

And one last thing, not that I show everyone, but I still got Him beside me. And I know I still adore Him deeply and that He still guides me. Next year, I’m doing everything for Him. 😉

So let me wrap up this post, by thanking myself. Hey A, I love you to death, we’ll keep pushin’ til we get there! 🙂 Imma welcome 2012 with nothing but love in this heart. PARTY HARDER. WORK HARDER. LOVE LESS!